Stop Being Your Own Biggest Enemy!
You might have seen this in movies quite a few times, on one of the characters' shoulders sits a little angel with the good advice or being supportive and compassionate, and on the other side sits a little devil whispering the worst possible suggestions into your ear, throwing harsh comments around and full embracing being a negative Nancy. And no matter who you are or where you are on your journey, you’ve probably experienced that little voice in your head that just doesn’t seem to run out of criticism.
That’s the inner critic.
To go into a little more detail, the ‘Inner Critic’ is that harsh, negative voice inside your head that judges, criticises, and belittles you. It’s the voice that tells you you’re not good enough, that you’ll never succeed, or that you’re always falling short. This isn’t just the occasional self-doubt or worry; it’s an ongoing narrative that undermines your confidence and keeps you stuck in patterns of self-sabotage.
We all have an inner critic. It’s universal. But the important part to always remember is: it’s not who you are—it’s just a part of your mind trying to protect you, albeit in a very unhelpful way. It thinks that by pointing out your flaws or reminding you of past failures, it’s keeping you safe from future disappointment or rejection. But in reality, it’s holding you back.
The inner critic often stems from critical messages we internalised during childhood. Maybe you had a parent, teacher, or coach who was quick to point out your mistakes but slow to acknowledge your successes. Or perhaps you grew up in an environment where love and approval felt conditional—only given when you performed well or met certain standards. It could also be that you were compared to someone who did things better than you, or even with someone that other person considered as very bad. A personal example from my side would be that my dad often said nasty things about my mother and within the same sentence would say how I’m exactly like her. Which led to me believing that I’m not a good person.
Especially as children, we internalise these messages and turn them into beliefs about ourselves: ‘I’m only worthy if I’m perfect,’ or ‘I need to work harder to be good enough.’ As adults, this voice shows up as that relentless inner critic, constantly pushing us to do more, be more, achieve more—never allowing us to feel satisfied or content.
The truth about negative self-talk is that it’s not a reflection of reality. It’s a habit, a pattern of thinking that can be changed. Just because your inner critic says something doesn’t make it true. But the more we listen to it, the more power we give it over our lives.
Especially for entrepreneurs and business owners, the inner critic can be incredibly damaging. When you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or focusing on your perceived flaws, it becomes almost impossible to take risks or put yourself out there.
For example, you might have an idea for a new product or service, but your inner critic tells you, ‘Who are you to do this? There are so many people out there already doing it better and for way longer than you have.’ So, you hold back, you hesitate, and the idea never sees the light of day.
Or maybe you struggle to accept praise or recognition. When someone compliments your work, you brush it off, thinking, ‘They’re just being nice,’ or ‘It wasn’t really that good.’ This not only diminishes your confidence but also limits your potential for growth and success. If you don’t believe in your own worth and abilities, how can you expect others to?
So, how do we work through this? How do we quiet that inner voice and start treating ourselves with more kindness and compassion? As always, we got to start with that self-awareness.
Identify the Critic’s Voice:
Start by paying attention to when your inner critic shows up. What does it say? Is there a specific tone or phrase it uses? The more you can recognize this voice, the more you can separate it from your true self. Maybe it even comes up as a specific figure or symbol or colour. Whatever helps you to identify it easier when it comes up again the next time.
And when that’s the case, challenge Its Assertions:
When your inner critic tells you something negative, challenge it. Ask yourself, ‘Is this really true? Where’s the evidence?’ Often, you’ll find that your critic’s statements are based on fear or past experiences, not on the reality of the present moment.
Which is then your chance to reframe those negative thoughts:
Instead of focusing on what you did wrong or where you fell short, reframe your thoughts to focus on what you did right. For example, instead of saying, ‘I totally messed up that presentation,’ try, ‘I did my best, and I learned something valuable for next time.’
This also leads into practice Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. If a friend came to you with self-critical thoughts, you’d likely offer support and reassurance, not judgement. Give yourself that same gift of compassion.
Last but not least, limit Comparisons:
Your journey is unique. Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to fuel the inner critic. Instead of measuring your progress against others, focus on your own growth and celebrate the small wins along the way.
So, to all of you out there struggling with your inner critic, remember that you’re not alone. This voice doesn’t define you, and it doesn’t have to control you. The power to change your inner dialogue and build a healthier, more supportive relationship with yourself is within your reach, you just have to start noticing it and slowly and gently start to debunk and reframe it.
The Inner Critic Self-Sabotage Type can be one of the toughest to overcome, so if you want deep and tailored support in this, so you can be your own biggest supporter rather than your own biggest enemy: book a free discovery call to get started!
