How I Overcame The Fear Of Being Seen & Speaking My Truth
Over ten years ago, I was tasked to speak at an event with curious potential candidates and their parents about my experiences in the commercial apprenticeship. At the beginning my manager came to me and jokingly “turned up the volume of my voice” with a hand gesture on my back. “Speak louder!” He said.
For as long as I can remember I have been a softly spoken person, particularly in environments I don’t feel safe or exposed in. It actually still does cost me a lot of energy to do so, with the difference that I’m putting myself out there consciously!
But BOY did it take me a lot of work on my own limiting beliefs and behaviour patterns. Am I where I would like to be yet? TBH, no. Are we still anywhere near the shy girl at the event who needed to be constantly reminded to speak louder? Also no.
So what changed and how?
As I dived deep into the topics of self-development, mindset, and human behaviours I also got more curious about WHY I seem to struggle to speak my voice confidently. I knew I’m more of an ambivert, who can be extremely shy and quiet at times, but also very loud, bold and sassy. Whilst this introversion did have an impact on my career at corporate, it was even clearer to me when I dived head first into the world of entrepreneurship. Promoting myself? Selling my services? Speaking in front of camera? Sharing my expertise? At first, all of these actions caused me to panic freeze. Like HELL NO I DON’T WANNA DO THAT!
But Why?
The first step to this is always, and I work on that with my clients too: self-awareness. So I worked with mentors and coaches and we got to to work to find out what the limiting beliefs I was holding onto are, where they come from and then actively work on overcoming them. For me it was very clear, very quickly, that my main limiting belief came from my childhood and that whenever I shared my opinions or thoughts, that they had been downplayed or judged by the grown-ups around me. Anything I said that might have challenged the status quo like “god”, vegetarianism, different ideas of careers, clothing styles, etc was immediately labelled as bad or not right. So the limiting belief that formed for me through all of this was:
“Whatever I say or believe ain’t ever good enough!”
Which led me to start muting my voice (with loads of resistance, and luckily never fully, but it still showed in my behaviour massively). I got quiet, kept to myself, and didn’t speak up as much because it wasn’t safe for me to do so. This showed at the event, but also in presentations in which I struggled to speak louder or with confidence, blood would rush into my cheeks which made me feel even more vulnerable, sensing the stares of fellow students or colleagues never felt good and my mind would always jump immediately to “they’re judging me”.
Despite all of these, I still felt the need to share what I had to say, I felt the call to write a book, to share my story, my truth, to help others with what I know to not make the same mistakes. Becoming an entrepreneur meant I had to do even more of that and OWN what I said and of course WALK THE TALK as well. So I started uprooting and reframing my limiting beliefs using everything I have learned in training and working with clients. I got to be my own best student!
But only switching the negative self-talk into positive words doesn’t do the deed. You got to combine it with taking the action to collect the proof that you can do it. Your brain otherwise will keep on resisting the new program you are trying to install. The firewall of old beliefs and thought patterns is strong, as you built it and ran it for years and years. But it’s not impossible.
So I ventured outside the comfort zone and started doing more of the things I’m so scared of. To show up live with no notes and talk about something I’m passionate about. To host workshops and webinars to share my expertise. To come on as a guest on a podcast to share about myself and what I can do best. To launch my own podcast and YouTube Channel. To go to networking events and make connections with complete strangers.
Doing all of this over and over again, helped me to feel more comfortable speaking about things and as a nice side effect it also helped me to let go of perfectionism. Not all content or how you portray yourself needs to be polished, embracing the awkwardness, the tripping over my own words or not remembering a word, it all helped me to overcome the fear of being myself and sharing myself.
And the best thing about it?
I’m having so much fun doing all of this now my past self would be like “WHO DISSSS?”!
Are you ready to turn up your own volume and undo the mute button?
Then let’s work together!
