What Really Is Coaching?
So the other day I was doing some market research on reddit to learn more about peoples unfiltered thoughts and opinions about what they think mindset coaching is about and what coaches do.
That was quite interesting to say the least, from comments like “it’s a paid bud to give you possibly questionable advice”, to “someone winging it at being a therapist” and “mostly gives motivational talks”.
Not gonna lie these comments do made me chuckle quite a bit, but also left me with the concern that there seems to be some stigma around coaches out there that’s not entirely true.
Whilst it IS an unregulated profession and you totally could go to udemy and take a 10 dollar course to get a certificate to be a mindset coach, or just wake up one day and decide you’re going to be one because you like talking about that kind of stuff, there actually are worldwide recognised intensive training institutions and certification programs out there like the co-active training institute or iPEC.
In addition, there is the ICF which stands for the international coaching federation and they the most recognised organisation for professional coaching to ensure accredited coaches have met stringent education and experience requirements, and have demonstrated a thorough understanding of the coaching competencies that set the standard in the profession. Additionally, they adhere to strict ethical guidelines as part of ICF’s mission to protect and serve coaching consumers.
“ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. The process of coaching often unlocks previously untapped sources of imagination, productivity and leadership.
We all have goals we want to reach, challenges we’re striving to overcome and times when we feel stuck. Partnering with a coach can change your life, setting you on a path to greater personal and professional fulfillment.”
That might be a lot of fancy words, so my personal definition is the process of activating your own inner wisdom and strength to find the answers to your problems. Or even shorter we can say, it’s you activating and becoming your best self.
And whilst there might be overlaps with therapy, coaches don’t actually try to be therapists without the correct education as some people might think. It’s very much its own speciality. A good coach will always tell you that “by the way this is NOT therapy!” and will make sure you get the difference and understand it as our goal is for you to make an informed and empowered decision for your needs.
So how is coaching different from therapy?
In my own words, the easiest way to explain is that therapy focuses on understanding and healing your past, including trauma or mental illnesses. A coach doesn’t do that. At all. Unless we had specific training that qualifies us to do so paired with coaching, then fine. But most don’t. So if you were to come to me and say you want to work through a traumatic experience or heal your depression or work through mental health conditions, I will refer you to a therapist at least next to coaching if not solely at first and then add coaching later.
In coaching, whilst we do go into the past and work on shifting limiting beliefs, explore where fears come from we also always bring it back to the present moment and future outlook. It’s much more of an inward and forward-looking approach and very much action oriented to work towards your goals whether that is something you want to achieve or someone who you want to become. It can be very healing of course, but it’s not a coach's job to explain to you why they are or think or behave a certain way, again that’s a therapist.
At the same time coaching is also very different from mentoring. Mentoring is giving explicit advice and to-dos based on ones own life experiences. A coach doesn’t do that. It’s actually against the standards of ICF to shower the clients with advice because it takes away their power to find their own insight that actually resonates with them.
So instead, we help draw out the clients own wisdom and help them make an empowered and informed decision based on that.
I do have to admit though, when the client specifically asks for my personal experience or advice on a topic, which is very rare but does happen, I do so only with an explicit statement that what I’m about to say is not coaching, it’s mentoring, and that there is no obligation for them to take on the advice if it doesn’t resonate.
So if you are right now on the fence whether you need coaching or not, here are 4 signs that might help you make a decision.
First up, you know you’ve got potential and want to make the most of it. But sometimes, Imposter Syndrome sneaks in and holds you back from taking the next step because you don’t feel “good enough” or showing your true self feels “too scary” because of “what others might think”. You have awareness of you holding yourself back, and you seek to get unstuck or out of your current situation. You want change.
Next up, you have clear goals and a vision for your life, and you know you're meant for more. But it feels like such a radical change that you’re struggling to see where to even start. That causes your brain to go into worst-case scenario thinking and survival mode, and the dream is quickly suppressed once again, though you just can’t help but keep on wondering about “what if…”. You have that recurring dream, but no idea how to get there.
But you are committed and ready to do the work to make things happen. You know that you need to shift your mindset and daily actions to be fit for YOUR purpose in life and business. But even with all your effort and always doing what others tell you to, you feel like you’re not making the progress you really want. It feels slow, you find yourself dropping off your practices or even quite frankly alone in this whole process.
And last but not least, you want to feel confident and true to yourself in everything you do. You crave deep alignment, certainty, and trust in who you are and what you do. You want to understand yourself on a deeper level despite it feeling uncomfortable at first. You know you have blindspots and want someone to call them out, but equally you also want someone to hold you up to your potential and own promises. It feels right now like you've hit a glass ceiling in your personal growth and you keep wondering what “it” is that is keeping you stuck and “why?”
So if any of these hit the spot for you, then coaching is the right route to take. And it very much can be life-changing. I know this is a buzzword and many people use it, but I have first-hand experience of the power of coaching myself and have seen it countless times with my clients too.
If you want to hear my story you can listen to a podcast episode here where I go into more detail, but in short coaching has helped me navigate big life challenges like burnout, divorce and choosing entrepreneurship after being in the corporate world for almost a decade. It also helped me to rebuild my selftrust and have literally an overall better life experience through overcoming things like negativity bias, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism.
For clients it has led to choosing themselves and move on from toxic relationships, from staying in jobs they didn’t feel valued in to having the selftrust to go for and landing dream jobs, it has led to more intangible transformations in which they learned to appreciate emotions on a whole new level and stop dissociating or avoiding them and instead embracing them leading to an overall more beautiful life experience. Some went on to create better habits for themselves and finally stick to them, others learned to respect their own worth and set up boundaries or how to stand up for themselves. I had clients starting side hustles from their passions, or even turn them into their fulltime business.
Specifically my coaching practice is heavily focused on on mindset work, action-taking, leadership, and wellbeing as they all contribute to you becoming your best self and build that selftrust.
But the beauty of coaching also is that each coach has a very different style or approach, some might include somatic practices, others might not include any form of meditations at all. Let’s assume for a moment that you are super clear on the fact that you want coaching, and you want to know how to find the right coach for you.
Well, there are two things to look for to find a good coach: Official credentials that are NOT from a 10 bucks course off the internet and are actually accredited by ICF. Again, this is to ensure a minimum standard of quality and protection for you as the client. Even better if you can combine that with solid testimonials from real people that the coach has worked with OR word of mouth referrals from people you trust. Do your research on them, the content they put out, how they show up, if they embody values that are important to you and if they are genuine. There are unfortunately some scammers out there that will not live up to their promises, mostly because they haven’t had the accurate coach training and thought they just want to create an easy business making easy money. But by looking for a coach with credentials you will already be at a way better starting point.
The second thing is the vibes. You will be entering a rather intimate relationship with your coach and you will want to feel safe and comfortable in their presence. You are going to be partners on this journey and spend quite a bit of time together and talk about personal topics. Even if a friend maybe recommended a coach, and you have a discovery call but you don’t vibe, then that’s ok, trust your instinct, trust your gut and really listen to your intuition.
The best way to do so is through speed-dating several coaches through discovery calls. They are a great way to find your perfect match as you can check who you feel safe with and which approach you like. These are also great opportunities to get a taste of coaching as it will be a mix of creating clarity on the service as well as finding out what your goals are. The coach most likely will do a little bit of coaching in that call, that’s for example something I like to do.
In addition, these are also great for the coach to check exactly the same as well as to find out whether it is actually coaching that you seek. If for example you come into a discovery call with me and it becomes very apparent to me that you might instead need therapy I will voice that and provide you with some touch points as well.
I hope this was helpful to understand coaching a little bit better and get rid of some of the stigmas around it, even though they do make me chuckle from time to time, but it is an honourable profession that can have a huge impact on other peoples lives, and I don’t take that lightly.
If you have any questions about coaching or anything else, you can always reach out to me on Instagram, LinkedIn or via the contact form.
If you want to check out me as a coach, click the button below to book a free discovery call. There’s no pitch in that call, but all the vibes check so we both know this is something we can partner on.
