What it takes to set boundaries and stick to them

We will dive right in on this one. the most important rule that applies here is:

If it truly is important enough for you, you will do it, and you won’t find excuses to do it!

We could end the post right here and now as this sums it up pretty neatly, however, let’s take a deeper look into this shall we?

There are many reasons why we may not stick to certain boundaries, but I found this one to be a very common and present one, not only in me but also in my clients: We care too much about what others think.

And when we do that, we also, put others first on the priority list, neglect our own needs and wants, and most likely also give too much of what we may not even have (I am talking energy, focus, and time).

Reasons for this behaviour go back to wanting to be liked, being afraid of judgment from others, and not seeing ourselves as important as others.

But what if you realise that actually, YOU are THE most important person in your life?

You have to spend every second of your life with yourself, the one relationship we should not mess up with is the one with ourselves, and therefore we should always be at the top of our priority list.

If you don’t look after yourself and give too much of yourself, there won’t be anything left to give at some point. You burn yourself out, take out joy of the equation and live a life according to OTHER people’s needs and wants, and not yours.

And this is a key thing we all have to understand when it comes to many different areas and problems we face, not only setting boundaries. We have this one life only, and it should be lived to our terms in the areas we can control and let go of what we can’t.

Now imagine yourself setting a boundary with this mindset, for example not taking the laptop with us on holiday, not attending calls before 9 AM or after 6 PM, not drinking alcohol at a party, or even sending a family member away who keeps coming around uninvited and at the worst times.

You will notice you may be honouring your values around freetime and wellbeing and see that your mental health is more important than sending an email from the beach or dialling into a call when you actually wanted to go to the gym to look after yourself and recharge. You will say no to alcohol from a place of self-respect and send that family member back home because your alone time is needed to get some headspace.

If we set a boundary from a place of “we are important”, this boundary is important, you will find that it may be a lot easier to stick to it.

However, you will also find that there may still be some nagging thoughts (aka your saboteurs coming in) that may say otherwise like “oh it’s just this one email”, “ok, you can come for a quick coffee”, or “just one drink”. But what you do at this moment is allow others to step over your boundary, and by doing so you teach them how they can treat you.

And afterward, you may beat yourself up because you couldn’t stick to it and feel even worse about it all.

When this happens, it is so crucial to first of all switch to a place of compassion towards yourself. You may have not been able to stick to the boundary this time, so try again next time, and remind yourself why you have it and why it is important to you. Clearly communicate it if others are involved and also be clear on the consequences.

This takes practice and time and sticking to the boundaries you have set.

If you need help with this, you can sign up for my mental fitness bootcamp which will help you discover the root causes of not being able to set boundaries and teach you how to train your brain to be able to stick to them better. Or you can go down the root of 1:1 coaching, to have me as your personal support and accountability buddy in this endeavour.

Click the tab “Coaching for Individuals” to find out more, or if you are an employer and want to support your employees with this, check out the tab “coaching for businesses”.

Or simply reach out to me anytime, and I will come back to you!

What boundary are you going to set today and stick with?

NamaStay my first priority

Josephine Dumont