“Seek first to understand”

Do you truly understand before you give advice, judge, etc?

I just finished Stephen R. Covey’s book “7 habits of highly effective people” whilst recovering from Covid this week.

This statement stuck with me more than anything. Because I definitely am guilty of giving advice as soon as someone just started to talk about a problem. And I learned that this is not the right approach, for either party of the conversation.

Let’s look at an example:

You meet up with your colleague and she tells you that she isn’t very happy with her new leadership role. You immediately jump into giving advice like “give it time”, “how about a mentor”, “you should talk to your line manager” and so on. Your colleague may not only think “wow, thanks for the unsolicited advise!” but also “she doesn’t really understand”…

So before jumping into solution mode, try to listen and tune into what your colleague really has to say before projecting yourself onto her situation. Just because it may be similar to something you may have gone through, doesn’t mean your solution is right for her.

Give her the space and time to explain herself, so you can truly understand. Then if she does ask for advice, you may provide her with ideas. However, don’t be attached to your advice if she doesn’t decide to follow it. Trust that she will find her way, and support where needed. This will not only improve your relationship with co-workers, and therefore team-effectiveness but also your communication with any other person you meet.

Listen first, understand, then share.

In what situations have you jumped to conclusions and provided advice before truly listening and understanding?

If you seek to improve your relationships our communication with others, reach out and let’s have a chat.

NamaStay Happy
JD

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